I don’t know how many times I’ve touched upon how much a part of my life music is. Even if I can’t physically hear it, it’s playing in my head. I believe it to be therapeutic. Hence the title of my blog, The Dark Antidote. My music of choice being metal, which is a dark type of music no doubt. This title references how metal helps me through my illness. How it can help push me through my bad days, when I think I have nothing left..
I have big dreams, these dreams are also many, but they all really revolve around metal. This music is so ingrained within me that no matter what the obstacle, no matter how many failures, no matter how my sickness can tend to dictate my daily life, I still forge on somehow, I still try, I will never give up. I will follow what is true to my heart til the end.
As many days as I sit and pity myself and wonder why I was hit with this nasty incurable disease, I am grateful that I have found something that can truly pull me out of my funk and light that fire under my ass to keep on my path.
I sincerely hope that other Crohn’s Disease sufferers as well as anyone plagued with a chronic illness, can find their fire, that one thing that helps them through the day. If you haven’t, you can never give up this search. We don’t deserve to waste our lives in self pity, we deserve to live out our dreams as best as we can.
I guess that’s the moral here, never surrender to your disease when there is so much life out there to be lived. Trust me, I’ve had my days of staying on the couch all day feeling sorry for myself. If you don’t open your eyes to all that life has to offer, in spite of your illness, then you may as well be dead..
FYI we no longer have a physical shop.. More on that later..
January 20, 2012,
So this morning I felt like writing, getting some things out, strictly for my own benefit. This is not a justification for anything, just my way of releasing..
Let me start this with telling you all a little something about my bff. There is no one like her, as well as there is no one who will ever take her place in my heart. I don’t know what I would do without this woman. She is the one who holds me together when I’m down, who makes me laugh when I feel like I have nothing left. She is one of the few people on this earth who truly understand me and is always on my side whether she agrees with my position or not. She inspires me to continue living my dream, which is her dream as well. Unfortunately she is very misunderstood. She is a beautiful person and if people would only give her a chance, they would realize this. She has a lot of haters lately and it makes no sense. We are both trying to do the same thing, get the metal out to the masses and instead of hating on her, I just really wish people would see her for who she is, a dedicated metalhead who’s just trying to help.. That being said I love you Leah, and I always will, no matter what..
Now on to FireWalk. We started FireWalk out of a pure, unbridled passion for metal, nothing more, nothing less. We wanted to help bands get heard. When you are a true metalhead, it’s not just a hobby, it’s a way of life. The music never stops.. We have tried numerous things throughout the years, some things worked, some didn’t. The FireWalk Girls was started as a way to build up funds to open our shop as well as to have a unique street team. There has been so much drama surrounding this group it is rediculous! When girls would join, it would be because they are into the music and enjoyed going to shows, hosting events, etc.. There have been girls that have come and gone, some decided it wasnt for them, some we had to remove for various reasons, but all of them knew from the start it was strictly a volunteer thing, it was supposed to be fun. Now some that have been removed are acting like they were doing FireWalk such a big favor. Just to put it out there, we don’t need anyone to do us any favors. You should want to be involved and not feel like it’s a chore. The FireWalk Girls is not the main component of FireWalk, the shop is. We’re putting the FireWalk Girls on the back burner for now and trying to focus on the success of our store.
We have people boycotting our shop, people who refuse to come in for one reason or another. People who hate and talk shit even though they’ve never stepped foot in the place. For me this new shop was a clean slate. A way to start fresh in a new place. I am not one to hold a grudge, I am hoping soon I start to see some faces through the doors that I didnt expect, because quite frankly, we need to be in this together, we need to help each other out. If you are a passionate musician or promoter or fan I would be honored to help you out in any way I can. I have been trying to get out to more shows, but no one can go to them all. I do what I can when I can. We are going to do whatever we can to keep our shop going and keep in growing. We are also now working with Dread Records. With Leah, Miguel, myself and all of the other people we consider family, we bring a lot of knowledge to the table. We can help support your metal lifestyle in whatever form that takes.
I just want to end this by saying FireWalk will be around for a long time, regardless of what people say or do to try to bring us down. We are a strong metal family and no matter what we go through, illness, crew changes, drama, failed projects, etc.. We are sticking to our true passion. \m/ METAL\m/
This is not hard for me.. Truth is, my favorites haven’t really changed much in over a decade. I’m kinda stubborn that way..My tastes haven’t changed really, maybe just evolved…
Opeth – Opeth has been one of my favorites since the Mainstream metal shop days. Raven introduced them to me and one listen and there has been no looking back.. In my opinion Opeth is the definition of progressive. They seem to have a lot of naysayers lately due to there extreme transition from what we all have come to expect from them, to what they are doing these days. So there’s no more death metal vocals, their music is slower, etc.. People are calling them sellouts. Being successful is by no means selling out(this is a whole new blog). They’ve done their time, they’ve gone through the hardships.. Give credit where credit is due people. This isn’t some label made super band who rose to stardom over night. They deserve the recognition they’re getting and I commend them. And whatever your opinions are on the latest album, we will always have Black Water Park, We will always have the killer assault that is Deliverance. Opeth’s music, each and every album they’ve put out, is thought provoking, dark and beautiful.
Enslaved – Enslaved is a band I always knew about, but wasn’t fully into until I met Craig(the man). He played them for me and I was like, HELL YES!! I can’t get enough of them. From their crushing early more black metal albums to current day, they are always pulling out some wickedly dynamic new material. Music should inspire, and Enslaved definitely does that for me.. I listen to Ruun a lot lately.. The song Essence, EPIC.. If you haven’t heard Enslaved I would say to get the full spectrum check out Blodhemn, Frost, Ruun and Axioma Ethica Odini..
Nevermore – I honestly can’t remember how I started listening to Nevermore. I just know that out of all the bands I love, for some reason they inspire me the most. I can have the worst case of No motivation ever and I can pop on Dead Heart in a Dead World and spring back to life and create for hours (or just thrash about madly with my bff till the crack of dawn) Bands like Nevermore are the reason I live this metal lifestyle. The music lifts me up and lights a fire under my ass. I get things done, and I can do it with a smile(a crooked smile, of course).. Despite the recent departure of Jeff and Van, I will forever be a fan and their music will always be on the soundtrack to my life.
Music, metal specifically has always been my number one inspiration. For me, the mark of a true musician is not the ability to play an instrument or read the notes on a page, but to do one of two things; allow you to immerse yourself in an emotion or give you an escape. I know this may sound contradictory, but as human beings, both things are a necessity.
Even as a child I would hear a song and it would evoke such strong imagery I would have these crazed dreams. When you wake up though, you always feel different, usually you have more clarity.
Haven’t you heard a song and pictured someone being stuck in some grim cold place with no way out or being chased by a crazed homicidal maniac?
Or perhaps you’ve been depressed and popped on a cd and just cried your eyes out and felt leaps and bounds better after words.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, waay too much on the brain. Metal evokes so much imagry and emotion, it’s the one thing that always helps get me through. So when people ask me why I listen to metal, this is your answer. forgive me for sounding cheesy, but metal is the soundrack of my soul..
Here are some examples of songs that have provided either a much needed emotional release or an escape from reality..
Enslaved – Roots of the mountain(Off of Riitiir)
Enslaved – Death in the eyes of Dawn (Off of Rittir)
Enslaved – Essence (off of Ruun)
Enslaved – Tides of Chaos ( Off of Ruun)
Opeth – The Drapery Falls ( Off of Blackwater Park)
Opeth- Harvest (off Of Blackwater Park)
Nevermore – No more Will (Off of Dreaming Neon Black)
Nevermore – This Godless Endeavor (title track)
Warrel Dane – Brother (off of Praises to the War Machine)
Borknagar – The Winter eclipse (off of Urd)
Borknagar – In a Deeper World (off of Urd)
Katatonia – Deadhouse (off of Discouraged Ones)
Tiamat – Wildhoney…
There are so many more, but these really stand out in my mind at the moment.
Right now I am listening to Katatonia- Dead End Kings.. This entire album does it for me:) Just thought I would share a little bit about what goes on in my crazy mind;)
firewalkjen
mschaub79
The Dark Antidote 