Archive for the ‘Crohn’s’ Category

Pay it back, and pay it forward…

Posted: June 16, 2016 by mschaub79 in Crohn's

Pay it back, and pay it forward.

These have been words to live by since the start of 2014, when I re-entered the local music scene after a short break. For the previous 10 years, I had experienced live shows in a vacuum, playing shows with no opening acts and no real awareness of how healthy the local music scene was, save for a few acquaintances. You can get away with that when you have a 40-song mix of covers and originals; all-original material is a different story. Multiple-band shows were a new thing for me.

With a new band ready to take flight, and an obsession with playing as many shows as possible, I quickly learned that the live atmosphere had changed drastically since 2004. The balance of supply and demand had shifted, for better and for worse. The scene had grown, but as a result, an undercurrent of competition had sprouted. Bars and venues were paying less than ever, and slots were filling up fast.

I soon learned some important lessons from my new friends in the local Fond du Lac scene. The most obvious lesson is that networking is crucial. There’s no one right way to make shows happen, so you need to get out there and learn how different bands and venues operate. You have to ask questions and really put yourself out there. You’ll only get out what you put in.

One interesting aspect that too few musicians seem to understand is the concept of community, and mutually beneficial practices. We’ve all heard the saying “a rising tide lifts all ships”, but the unfortunate reality is that not all musicians understand how to plan like a business. They just want to express their art, which is understandable.

Community is about more than playing shows with other local bands in your city. In fact, I’d say that can become part of the problem. Sharing the stage with any repeat lineups can be extremely rewarding, and helps to forge great friendships. But what band wants to play the same shows in the same towns, with the same bands, over and over? Not many. What bands are perfectly content with a small group of loyal fans, but no expansion of that fan base? Maybe a few. Hanging out in cliques might have been your thing in high school, but in the music scene, you’re just putting up walls.

Challenge yourself to think bigger. Bands you’ve never met or heard, from other towns, want the same thing as you; they just want to play. Here’s one thing you probably have that they don’t: A way in with your local venues. Reach out to these bands, and invite them into your local scene. Start friendships with bands you’ve never heard of, with the hope that they will give you the same courtesy in their hometowns. Start a partnership with out-of-town bands, where you expand and reach new areas by supporting each other. As cheesy as it sounds, it really comes down to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

I know I am not perfect in this regard, and there are some awesome people that are on my “pay-it-back” list. But I try like hell to keep to this practice.

Yes, you’ll quickly find the opportunists and the egomaniacs who just don’t get it. There’s plenty of bands that I’ve added to lineups who are too lazy, greedy, egotistical, or small-minded to ever offer my band a slot in one of their shows. And to be fair, some of these musicians simply haven’t learned how to set up shows for themselves. But you will also learn that there are others out there who understand that success in the local music scene can only happen when we help promote each other, instead of going at it alone.

The promoter that helped set up a show with your band? Thank them again. That band that added you to their show? Offer to do the same for them. The band from 2 cities away that you KNOW would love to play in your town or in a venue you have connections with? Reach out to them and make it happen. Even if a small percentage of those that you help wind up helping you in return, it will have been worth it.

Pay it back, and pay it forward. It’s a great formula for truly growing the scene AND the success of your band.

Special thanks to Jim Gleason, Jen Marie, Shane Keddell, Jason Meyer, Clint and Beth from Reptile, John Hoekstra, Paula Wopp, Zach Pukel, Marq Pointer Jr., Cactus Club, Joe Butterfield, Tony and Susan Mand, Mike Pape, Ian Reese, Steve Moser, Bob Skudlarczyk, Shaun Schwanke, Jason Mansavage, Crunchy Frog, Cold Shot, Jen from Ultrea, Mike Fluery, Zoy Begos, Frank’s in Milwaukee, Kochanski’s in Milwaukee, The Shack, and all the bands and sound crews I’ve jammed with for 12 years.

“I followed all the paths.  Righteous in my heart”

I don’t know how many times I’ve touched upon how much a part of my life music is.  Even if I can’t physically hear it, it’s playing in my head. I believe it to be therapeutic. Hence the title of my blog, The Dark Antidote. My music of choice being metal, which is a dark type of music no doubt.  This title references how metal helps me through my illness. How it can help push me through my bad days, when I think I have nothing left..

I have big dreams, these dreams are also many, but they all really revolve around metal. This music is so ingrained within me that no matter what the obstacle, no matter how many failures, no matter how my sickness can tend to dictate my daily life, I still forge on somehow, I still try, I will never give up. I will follow what is true to my heart til the end.

As many days as I sit and pity myself and wonder why I was hit with this nasty incurable disease, I am grateful that I have found something that can truly pull me out of my funk and light that fire under my ass to keep on my path.

I sincerely hope that other Crohn’s Disease sufferers as well as anyone plagued with a chronic illness, can find their fire, that one thing that helps them through the day. If you haven’t, you can never give up this search. We don’t deserve to waste our lives in self pity, we deserve to live out our dreams as best as we can.

I guess that’s the moral here, never surrender to your disease when there is so much life out there to be lived. Trust me, I’ve had my days of staying on the couch all day feeling sorry for myself. If you don’t open your eyes to all that life has to offer, in spite of your illness, then you may as well be dead..

I will never understand why there are so many “famous” bands, people, labels, etc.. that have forgotten where they came from. It seems to me that it’s only gotten worse since I was a teenager just going to as many shows as I could scrape enough money to get to. People where more humble and thankful to the fans who put them where they are today. Don’t get me wrong, I have met some amazing people over the years who still show gratitude to the very people who indeed pay their salaries, but there are too many that still have a gall to treat their fans like utter and total shit..

Condescension. It’s not just the bands.. FireWalk is working on trying to get more interviews with the bands we love. Fans are always interested in getting a glimpse into their favorite musicians minds. It seems that after all we have done, we still get talked down to because we’re not Blabbermouth or BWBK. The fact of the matter is we have had to “start over” multiple times for a number of different reasons, one big one being my problems with Crohn’s Disease. I guess because we tried so many different things and put our souls into what we do, it frustrates me to no end to get some of the responses I have gotten from labels. The crazy thing is the band in question told me they see no issues with doing an interview and unfortunately I have to go through the label and now it’s a matter of whether their press people think we are important enough to waste their time.I’m sure this woman (said press manager) started out street teaming in the trenches just like all the rest of us..

I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.. Never forget where you came from, because when you aren’t big and famous anymore you’ll have no one if you continue to treat people like dirt. When you need someone’s help or just need a chance to do what is in your heart to do, no one will be there.

I’m adding a video of Jeff Loomis from our youtube channel. Jeff is one of the most down to earth, humble, wonderful people I have met in this metal scene. Amazingly talented and just an all around nice guy, Hats off to you Jeff, never stop being you!!

Metal Heads RULE!!

Posted: September 26, 2013 by firewalkjen in Crohn's, Heavy Metal Madness, The Church of Heavy Metal
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

After my recent major surgery to remove most of my colon due to my Crohn’s Disease getting so bad, I was financially completely screwed.. I was in the hospital for 11 days and wasn’t able to return to work for a bit, so I went over a month with no income.. It’s amazing how far backwards 1 month can set you.  The doctors tell you to avoid stress, which impossible because now on top of being sick, you’re screwed financially.  Money is indeed the root of all evil. Main cause of stress for almost everyone I know.

While I was in surgery a dear friend of mine was in the waiting room plotting, unbeknown to me.  She was planning a benefit show to help me financially, little did she know how much of a mental impact it would have on me as well. Nowadays it’s really difficult to meet people that are selfless in so many ways. People that care more about the well being of others than their own.  She worked her ass off, put herself in a very stressful situation all for me.. When she came to visit me in the hospital and told me what she had done and who was involved it brought me to tears. So many people were so quick to become involved in the event to support me, including some of my favorite musicians.

I was really kinda bitter on the scene after having to close my shop, even though now I fully believe the stars just weren’t aligned. It wasn’t my time. I was so defeated from being sick all the time. I was just tired and wanted to stay home and lay around and only talk to a select few people outside of my amazing family. I had my surgery and began to feel better, though I now have new and different problems, I am much more hopeful. The turnout at the show was amazing and I feel renewed. The amount of support shown has stoked my fire. I can look forward to the future and know that I still have time to make my dreams a reality and there’s no more doubt, thanks to all the incredible people that were involved in this show. They have completely restored my faith in people in general, but mostly METALHEADS RULE!! We are a big extended family of people who help each other in times of need. I hope someday I can pay it forward.

Even though I have an incurable disease that chances are will land me in the hospital again sometime down the road, I no longer have fear. I know I can do anything I set my mind to. And I want to thank everyone involved from the bottom of my heart for helping restore that passion that was laying dormant for too long..

No one knows how long we are here in this life, so we should follow our dreams and not waste our time with fear..

Thank you thank you thank you!!

*White Knuckle Trip, Milwaukee, WI
Resurrected from a 15 year slumber and ready to tear up the stage once more!!!
http://www.metal-archives.com/bands/White_Knuckle_Trip/3540303375

*Cyanosis- Okauchee, WI (Death Metal/Grindcore/Progressive)https://www.facebook.com/CyanosisBand

*The Cold Beyond- Milwaukee, WI (Black Metal Assault)https://www.facebook.com/TheColdBeyond?fref=ts

*Devolving Messiah- Milwaukee, WI (Death Metal/ Technical Blackened Death Metal)https://www.facebook.com/devolvingmessiah?fref=ts

*Mountain Language- Milwaukee, WI (Noisy Heavy Black Doom Sludge)https://www.facebook.com/MountainLanguage?fref=ts

*Descending The Heavens- Southeastern, WI (Progressive Blackened Death Metal)https://www.facebook.com/DESCENDINGTHEHEAVENS?fref=ts

*Scribes of Odum- Milwaukee, WI (ex members of Carnal Befoulment/40oz Fist)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm8arAdUKn4&feature=share

*Dark Avengeance- Milwaukee, WI (Thrash/Death Metal)https://www.facebook.com/DarkAvengeance?fref=ts

Outpost Music, Comatose Music, Icombat, Acheron, Cross Up Yours, True Metal Lives NYDM, Waukesha Tattoo Company, Bound By Entrails, Dax Riggs, Nick Thomas, J.K. Lee Black Belt Academy, Paul Speckmann, Rotting Christ, Reggies Rock Club, Atomic Glass, Gieger Awards, Discovery World Museum, Autoeroticashyxium Zine, Paris Ortiz of The Cocksmiths & Big Dumb Dick, Rise of Avernus, Metal Blades Records, Marshal Amps USA, Nekropsy, Lakefront Brewery, Closet Classics, Lucky Joe’s Tiki Lounge, Horny Goat Brewing Co., Rufusport MMA Academy, Music Go Round of Greenfield, Buffalo Wild Wings of Waukesha, Wolfpack 44, Ricktor Ravensbruck, Anicon, The Siege Paintball, LLC, Sweet Treats By Meka, Waking Chaos, Last Detail Tattoo Studio & Mike Natarelli, Pro Health Care West Wood Health & Fitness, Kommandant, Tony Karklus, Symphony X, Vomit God, Inferno Night Club of Madison, Tom Boesch, Andy Kochanski, Timothy Conine, Century Media Records, Color Ink, Incantation, Pyrexia, Scythe/Usurper, Kult ov Azazel, Dread Records, Horror/Pain/Gore/Death Productions, Markradonn, Sparrow Collective, Maggot Twat, Leon del Muerte of Nausea & Murder Construct, Dreaming Dead, Eric Reinert, Sacrificial Massacre, Dead Can Dance’s Peter Bjargo, Suture Couture, Tragix Knots, The Frequency of Madison, Woodmann’s of Oak Creek, Pick N Save of Waukesha, Brian Rehak, Ara, Uncle Acid and the deadbeats, Kevin Forsythe, Opeth, Rockothon, Derketa, Empyreus, Dismemberment, Mark Millar of Marvel Comics, Schecter Guitars, Carpathian Funeral, Taake, Rock 102.1, Blackbird Bar, G-Daddy’s BBC, Rotting Christ, Enfuneration

AND last but not least thank you to everyone that came out to the show. It was an incredible night!! HORNS HIGH, AGAIN METALHEADS RULE!!

Are our minds truly strong enough to override our what physical bodies are telling us? If we focus on something other than our current physical pain, can we really lessen it? Something happened to me the other day that I wanted to share with you all.  I suffer from Crohn’s disease. There’s no need to sit and list all the nasty details, I’ll just say it’s unpleasant to say the least. I was sitting at my desk with a bad headache and just feeling horrid. I was trying to get some work done, but we all know how hard it is when you’re not feeling well to accomplish anything. I was just sitting there thinking mind over matter.. I put on some music and focused  on what I was doing and really listened to the tunes.. I believe it started with Katatonia’s Dead End Kings(yes I keep bringing up this album, I am obsessed with it) I’m sitting there typing away and I suddenly realized my headache was gone and I didn’t feel so terrible anymore.

I guess I might be sounding like a broken record, but when you are passionate about something, it happens.. This music, metal, helped me get done what I needed to and it just got better from there.

So I’m here to tell you friends, there is definite truth behind this saying.. It’s not just music.. It gets into your subconscious  and pushes the pain away. Obviously this will not always work, we all go through some truly painful experiences, but that day, it made my world happy again. Thank you metal.. You are my heart..

465

CHOPPED IN HALF

Posted: July 26, 2013 by firewalkjen in Crohn's

I’ve been living with Crohn’s Disease for quite a few years now and it got so bad that recently I had to have surgery to remove most of my colon. I only have a foot left of colon. I have a nice 4 inch incision on my stomach. It’s crazy to think that they had to remove a big chunk of my guts in order to get my disease in check. I was hospitalized for 11 days, not being able to eat. This really makes you goofy. And the whole ordeal has changed me.

I knew I needed surgery. The pain went from occasional to constant. Couldn’t bend over, was fatigued, it attacked my joints to the point where it was difficult to walk. I was in agony. I knew I needed to go to the hospital, but I waited because my mom was having major surgery on her back and I wanted to make sure she was ok before I went in. By the time I got home from being at the hospital with my mom, I could barely walk. So that night I finally went in.

Last year I was hospitalized because of an ulcer I got on my calf (I also suffer from a rare disease called pyderma gangrenasum). When the blood work came back it showed massive inflammation and after more tests were performed they found a stricture and a hole in my colon. I also had such a low blood count I was almost given a transfusion.  After being pumped with massive amounts of drugs for 5 days,  I was better and released. I felt amazing for a couple months, then the pain and sickness returned.

Turns out the stricture I had last year got way worse and I also had numerous fistulas that were pulling on my small intestine. They showed me the picture of my insides and damn would that make a killer album cover!

Anyway, the point in all this is that I’m now on my road to recovery and God willing, remission. The disease will eventually come back, but I have been given a new beginning. This surgery has changed me. I have a new outlook on life. My new motto is if it doesn’t make me happy, it’s not worth it.

No matter how sick I got, metal has always helped me through it. It is in my veins. There were days where drowning myself in the music actually took the pain away. I know I will always be involved in the metal scene at some capacity because it is my number 1 passion in life. All grudges or beef I had with people before has melted away. I just want to be happy.

It will take me quite some time to get back to normal and I have no insurance so it’s going to be really rough when the bills start rolling in, but I am so hopeful and optimistic. There’s finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

So I may be laying low while I’m recovering, but I’m still here and when I do come back I know I will be better than ever, back to supporting as much as I possibly can.

Thank you family and friends, for your constant support and love. I love you all so very much.

HORNS HIGH!! AND I’LL BE SEEING YOU ALL SOON!!