A New Adventure..

So here is my introduction to this category.. I have always wanted to see the world. As much as I try to see inspiration everywhere I look, a new adventure is calling to me.. Life is too short to sit around waiting for things to happen.. You have to make them happen. If you aren’t happy, you need to go out and create your own happiness.. It’s not selfish to just think of yourself.. In my case, this past year has been extremely difficult. Sickness, stress, change, heartache.. Right now I need a break.. Lets just call this a mental health holiday.. I know if I don’t do something soon, I will break.. I have already gotten close, and I have too much to accomplish to be broken..

Right now I’m preparing for an overseas adventure.. Over a month in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language.. Being in a serene environment and putting my mind into my clothing, working on my creation with no stressful distractions.. Let’s just say I can’t wait and I know the items I create there will be amazing. Surrounding myself by mountains and trees and gardens.. I definitely need this.. The first of many excursions in the works this year.. Milwaukee will always be my home, but it’s time for me to be inspired by the world as seen through my own eyes, not just on tv or online..

I’ll be chronicling my time spent overseas here and feel free to comment if there’s something you would like me to try, a place you think I should go, I’m open to anything and I know I’ll have an amazing time 🙂

Pay it back, and pay it forward…

Pay it back, and pay it forward.

These have been words to live by since the start of 2014, when I re-entered the local music scene after a short break. For the previous 10 years, I had experienced live shows in a vacuum, playing shows with no opening acts and no real awareness of how healthy the local music scene was, save for a few acquaintances. You can get away with that when you have a 40-song mix of covers and originals; all-original material is a different story. Multiple-band shows were a new thing for me.

With a new band ready to take flight, and an obsession with playing as many shows as possible, I quickly learned that the live atmosphere had changed drastically since 2004. The balance of supply and demand had shifted, for better and for worse. The scene had grown, but as a result, an undercurrent of competition had sprouted. Bars and venues were paying less than ever, and slots were filling up fast.

I soon learned some important lessons from my new friends in the local Fond du Lac scene. The most obvious lesson is that networking is crucial. There’s no one right way to make shows happen, so you need to get out there and learn how different bands and venues operate. You have to ask questions and really put yourself out there. You’ll only get out what you put in.

One interesting aspect that too few musicians seem to understand is the concept of community, and mutually beneficial practices. We’ve all heard the saying “a rising tide lifts all ships”, but the unfortunate reality is that not all musicians understand how to plan like a business. They just want to express their art, which is understandable.

Community is about more than playing shows with other local bands in your city. In fact, I’d say that can become part of the problem. Sharing the stage with any repeat lineups can be extremely rewarding, and helps to forge great friendships. But what band wants to play the same shows in the same towns, with the same bands, over and over? Not many. What bands are perfectly content with a small group of loyal fans, but no expansion of that fan base? Maybe a few. Hanging out in cliques might have been your thing in high school, but in the music scene, you’re just putting up walls.

Challenge yourself to think bigger. Bands you’ve never met or heard, from other towns, want the same thing as you; they just want to play. Here’s one thing you probably have that they don’t: A way in with your local venues. Reach out to these bands, and invite them into your local scene. Start friendships with bands you’ve never heard of, with the hope that they will give you the same courtesy in their hometowns. Start a partnership with out-of-town bands, where you expand and reach new areas by supporting each other. As cheesy as it sounds, it really comes down to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

I know I am not perfect in this regard, and there are some awesome people that are on my “pay-it-back” list. But I try like hell to keep to this practice.

Yes, you’ll quickly find the opportunists and the egomaniacs who just don’t get it. There’s plenty of bands that I’ve added to lineups who are too lazy, greedy, egotistical, or small-minded to ever offer my band a slot in one of their shows. And to be fair, some of these musicians simply haven’t learned how to set up shows for themselves. But you will also learn that there are others out there who understand that success in the local music scene can only happen when we help promote each other, instead of going at it alone.

The promoter that helped set up a show with your band? Thank them again. That band that added you to their show? Offer to do the same for them. The band from 2 cities away that you KNOW would love to play in your town or in a venue you have connections with? Reach out to them and make it happen. Even if a small percentage of those that you help wind up helping you in return, it will have been worth it.

Pay it back, and pay it forward. It’s a great formula for truly growing the scene AND the success of your band.

Special thanks to Jim Gleason, Jen Marie, Shane Keddell, Jason Meyer, Clint and Beth from Reptile, John Hoekstra, Paula Wopp, Zach Pukel, Marq Pointer Jr., Cactus Club, Joe Butterfield, Tony and Susan Mand, Mike Pape, Ian Reese, Steve Moser, Bob Skudlarczyk, Shaun Schwanke, Jason Mansavage, Crunchy Frog, Cold Shot, Jen from Ultrea, Mike Fluery, Zoy Begos, Frank’s in Milwaukee, Kochanski’s in Milwaukee, The Shack, and all the bands and sound crews I’ve jammed with for 12 years.

The Journey has begun..

So I’ve started a new category in this blog. I’m moving out of Milwaukee very shortly and I felt like sharing my journey with you all..

I have a lot of big dreams. All of these dreams revolving around music and fashion. I have done and learned a lot here in Milwaukee, but my time has come to try a new approach.  When you are truly passionate about something, you have to keep trying, you should never settle for less than greatness and most importantly never give up. There is no failure, just lessons to learn and I learned all I can from this town.. Things lined up pretty out of the blue for my move. I got offered a pretty bad ass job in Madison and going out there a few times recently, it completely reminds me of Seattle, which is my favorite city ever..

Anyone that knows me knows of my passion for metal, and this might offend some, but I was very impressed with the metal crowd there. Very welcoming to new comers and it was great to see when the bands were playing people actually went up to the stage and watched them instead of standing in the corner, arms crossed talking shit. People seem to actually be there for the music itself and not just to be seen.. Sadly many of the recent shows I’ve been to in Milwaukee, it seems people just go to hang out with their cliques and walk around to make sure people see them there, not to actually enjoy the bands.

I’ve also heard there is a really cool independent fashion design scene there too, which is obviously very important to me.. I will be doing a lot more in the coming months..

I figured I’d start out with a roommate situation, it would be easier to find my own place when I’m already there, it’s been quite a challenge so far. Unfortunately people everywhere are judgmental in general, you can’t escape this. Because I’m  37 year old metalhead, I’m having issues with people not looking past what they don’t understand. Crazy thing is from my experience, metalheads are some of the nicest people around, but people always fear what they don’t understand. They will just write you off without getting to know you. It’s not discouraging me though, I try to be an optimist and I’m sure the right place will just fall into my lap soon enough..

My things are pretty much all packed. Can’t wait to get out there and start my new life.. More updates to come.. Horns High Metalheads and never be afraid to follow your dreams, no matter how bumpy the path becomes!

“Read me, decipher every word
Then multiply the dormant issues
Just tear me down, then build me up again
Accentuate, proliferate, recreate”

One of my favorite bands!! Make sure you check out their new album WINTER THRICE!

My Dear John Letter to Milwaukee…

Dear Milwaukee,

After not very much careful consideration, I have decided, without a heavy heart that I am leaving you..

I just wanted you to know that this is not about your physical appearance. There are many beautiful and cool things about you. This is almost strictly based on your people.. I’m not saying some of your people aren’t wonderful, I grew up with you for crying out loud, so I am entitled to my distaste based on personal experience. I will miss those people that have positively affected my life and have always had my back, but Milwaukee, I’m sad to say you have not had my back. You have not supported me through thick and thin. You have stabbed me in the back repeatedly and I foolishly gave you chance after chance to redeem yourself, only to learn that things will never change, they will only get worse..

I know they say home is where you make it, but you can only do so much.. Milwaukee, you have given me a lot, so much life experience, I have done things with you that I only dreamed possible, but you have failed to sustain my passions, you have failed to keep your promises..  I need so much more than this. As I get older I realize we are not meant to be..

I do not wish you ill will, and forgive me if I sound like an asshole, but I am excited to exclaim that it is definitely over between us, there’s no changing my mind, there is no coming back.. I hope I left you with good feeling towards me and I may pop in only to visit my family and friends from time to time, but you and I are through..

Please don’t contact me, If and when I am ready, I will give you a call..

 

 

Metal Elitists

Prepare for a rant.. This is gonna be a long one folks, be ready.. I don’t care who I offend with this post or if I lose “friends” over it.. I have heard multiple times in the recent past months about good people in good bands getting shunned by some of the local black metal so-called elitists. Some of these reasons include; they’re not black metal enough or they’re involved with FireWalk (apparently we think music is all about fashion). Some of you so-called elitists try so hard to be “crusty” and “trve” that you are actually limiting yourself and your music, keeping yourself confined to a certain “style”. Not about fashion? You have a specific wardrobe you wear, a metal t-shirt (and it can’t be any band, it has to be specific to your list of “trve kvlt” bands, SATAN forbid you look lame to any of your elitist friends), pants, boots, etc.. So this is not a style?? This is not a specific look or “fashion”? Corpse paint is not about appearance? You say your music is truly organic? How can it be when it has to be confined to a tiny little box? Walking around like you are some black metal authority. Who the fuck are you? I happen to know a lot of you listen to a huge variety of music, not just what you try to portray.. You are seriously trying to tell me there’ s no fashion in metal? Metal is totally theatrical. Maybe you should tell that to King Diamond or Rob Halford, or Behemoth or Dimmu Borgir, I could go on, but WAIT!! Those bands are all “mainstream”, they’re all successful and get to make a living doing what they love, they don’t count right? Success means selling out right? If you’re not underground you’re a poser right? Fucking ridiculous. Although this shit is not genre specific around here, it’s sadly the opinion of many different cliques in the area.. I have to address the fact that FireWalk thinks music is all about fashion.. You can’t be serious!! I make clothing inspired by music. I started doing this to make my metal t-shirts more wearable and feminine because yes, I am a woman..if my love for metal inspires me to make a corset out of a t-shirt and that offends you, that’s not my problem.. who the hell are you to tell me what’s appropriate for me to do with my inspiration? If you think I’m not a true metalhead because I like to wear makeup and feminine clothing and dress up when I leave my house, you can go fuck yourself. Metal is in my blood, Being a metalhead is a lifestyle and its not just a path that I chose to walk.. We at FireWalk have been listening metal since we were kids, I don’t give a flying rats ass what anyone else thinks I should listen to, to be considered a die hard fan. I listen to all different styles of metal as well as music outside of the metal genre. I don’t listen to music based on any criteria, I like what I like, there need not be a justification for it. There is no arguing taste. Look, this is just my opinion that I felt needed to be said because this shit is so stupid it makes my head spin..

I followed all the paths. Righteous in my heart

“I followed all the paths.  Righteous in my heart”

I don’t know how many times I’ve touched upon how much a part of my life music is.  Even if I can’t physically hear it, it’s playing in my head. I believe it to be therapeutic. Hence the title of my blog, The Dark Antidote. My music of choice being metal, which is a dark type of music no doubt.  This title references how metal helps me through my illness. How it can help push me through my bad days, when I think I have nothing left..

I have big dreams, these dreams are also many, but they all really revolve around metal. This music is so ingrained within me that no matter what the obstacle, no matter how many failures, no matter how my sickness can tend to dictate my daily life, I still forge on somehow, I still try, I will never give up. I will follow what is true to my heart til the end.

As many days as I sit and pity myself and wonder why I was hit with this nasty incurable disease, I am grateful that I have found something that can truly pull me out of my funk and light that fire under my ass to keep on my path.

I sincerely hope that other Crohn’s Disease sufferers as well as anyone plagued with a chronic illness, can find their fire, that one thing that helps them through the day. If you haven’t, you can never give up this search. We don’t deserve to waste our lives in self pity, we deserve to live out our dreams as best as we can.

I guess that’s the moral here, never surrender to your disease when there is so much life out there to be lived. Trust me, I’ve had my days of staying on the couch all day feeling sorry for myself. If you don’t open your eyes to all that life has to offer, in spite of your illness, then you may as well be dead..

Smiling with evil intent…

“I have stepped outside the circle, Better off without”
So many songs inspire me, especially those that are truly relative. I’ve been through quite a lot these past 5 years or so, seen so many people turn into something I detest and I have lost respect for so many.. I am tired of people who I once called friends, smiling in my face and stabbing me in the back later.. I have said, I have eyes and ears all over this circus that we call a scene and shit gets back to me one way or another.. It’s hard being a female trying to accomplish something in the metal industry. There’s still so many that think we should be seen and not heard.. There are people who we have helped tremendously to accomplish their own goals who refuse to acknowledge that we helped them at all. I can honestly say that I only support very few bands in my area anymore because of this arrogant, we are the king shit attitude. I will never understand how people expect you to do things that they would never do themselves..OH I can’t admit that a couple of chick had a hand in teaching me how to book shows and make fliers. OH, you should stick to what you do best and that’s sewing.. Wow!  We have had many insane ups and downs over the years, made mistakes, had to close shops due to various uncontrollable circumstances and we are still here.. I think people think because we no longer have a physical shop that we’re done, but it takes more than a bunch of douchy comments to get us down.  I have had multiple people tell me that others have told them not to deal with FireWalk, but Jen is soo nice.. Really?? Who do you think FireWalk is numb nuts? It’s myself and Leah.. An insult to my company is an insult to me, don’t try to cover up your bullshit with the , Oh, but Jen is awesome comment.. It’s completely transparent.  Trust me, I know who my true friends are and honestly most of them are not really interested in being involved with this local scene drama either.. I have been to many different cities and my own is the worst when it comes to high school garbage. I am no longer going to be nice for the sake of professionalism because it’s not worth it.. There’s no playing both sides of the fence, you are either with or against me, and I’m not an idiot. I am very capable of deciphering between the two…

” I have this dream in which I kill you all”

Mind your business!

Here’s another subject that can truly make my blood  boil. Nosey ass busy bodies who care waaayy too much about what other people are doing. Now, in the age of social media, if you post it, you should expect some comments, and sometimes arguments. You are opening up your life for all the world to see, so if you don’t want certain people into your life, there’s an easy way to take car of  that, make your profile private.. But those of us who have a business and are trying to advertise for free, this is not an option.  With all Firewalk has been involved with, we have had our share of bullshit thrown our way. I have learned that life is way to short to try to please everyone , so you should just do what makes you happy and try to ignore the naysayers.

But on to more serious matters than social media wars. People in general are unhappy with their lives and instead of trying to remedy that, they get involved in everyone else’s drama because apparently it makes them feel better about themselves. This is just a blanket and it’s never going to fix the problems underneath. I wholeheartedly feel that if people would just focus on themselves and making their lives full and happy, this whole world would be a better place.

I might get some backlash for this, but it’s my blog and I can say whatever I want.. the first subject I want to tackle is Abortion. A very touchy subject indeed. I personally would never choose this option, but who am I to tell anyone else what they are doing is wrong. Again, there are situations and circumstance that we know nothing about. Rape, incest, health problems beyond anyone control.. We don’t know the reason people do this and frankly it’s none of our business.. I have heard stories of protesters killing abortion doctors, it’s that the very thing you are protesting? What you think is murder? You are killing someone who could potentially save many lives, maybe even your own. I will never forget the time I went to the zoo with a friend and her kids and there were abortion protesters outside the zoo. Aurora was having their company picnic there. These protesters had huge 6 foot tall signs with pictures of dead fetuses. Meanwhile all this children are going past in their cars going to the zoo with their families. This kind of imagery could scar a child for life. That’s ok?

Prostitution. Again, I could never sell my body, but who the hell am I to say what someone else can do with theirs? Honestly, if they legalized it(among other things)  and made these women file and pay taxes, the government could make a boatload. Like they do on the bunny ranch in Nevada, regulate everything, testing for STDs, etc.. You’d have to have a clean bill of health to partake on both sides. Have brothels where women could work, so they’re safe and not subject to being pimped out.  I honestly don’t see an issue.. What someone wants to do  with their own body shouldn’t concern anyone else.

I could go on and on, but again, I truly believe this world would be a better place if people in general weren’t so concerned with what the next guy is doing and concentrate on themselves..

War of the sizes

I am sick to death of seeing all these posts and memes of skinny girls verses overweight girls.  Being a person that has fluctuating weight due to my illness, if I see one more of these I’m gonna puke..

I think society places to much emphasis on weight as a marker of your worth. Especially for women. There is a total double standard in that women are expected to be perfectly fit when men can carry triple beer babies and it’s acceptable, ” it’s a gas tank for a love machine”. All that aside, let’s just focus on the cruel cattiness of the female species.. We as a society have done a total 180 from the days where the bigger a woman was the, the higher her status.. It meant she could afford to eat well. There were no considerations of illness or circumstance. People have always been judged by their weight, and as much as I wish I could change that, it will always be that way.

The thing a lot of young impressionable girls don’t see with their rose colored glasses in these magazines,  is the fancy graphic artist at his computer artfully removing all imperfections.. The bottom line is NO ONE is perfect. Perfection is an illusion. It does not exist in the really real world(trust me, do a Google search).  For me it all boils down to health. If you are in extremes in either direction (under or over weight) and it affects your health in a negative way, something should be done. It is just as unhealthy to be extremely over weight as it is to be extremely under weight. If you are over weight simply because you stuff your face all day and don’t move from the couch, yet you sit and complain about being fat, I have no sympathy for you. Same goes for the opposite, if you can’t gain weight, but do nothing about it, I have no sympathy for you either. Do some research, talk to a doctor, there is something that can be done in this day and age. I just have a hard time in general listening to anyone complain about things that they can change..

Ladies, ladies, ladies,, we need to stop bullying each other. I repeat NO ONE is perfect. Everyone has something they don’t like about themselves. As hard as it is to do some days, you just have to accept who you are, imperfections and all. Don’t judge someone based on their weight, appearance, because you have no idea what their story is.. You have no idea how what you say can affect a person. Don’t be a mean girl..

My bottom line is this, if you are happy and healthy, no matter what your size, who cares what the mean girls say, who cares what Hollywood tells you is beautiful  because it’s all a fantasy. True beauty comes from inside.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no matter what you look like, I guarantee you there is a person out there who loves the shit out of you..

Never forget where you came from…

I will never understand why there are so many “famous” bands, people, labels, etc.. that have forgotten where they came from. It seems to me that it’s only gotten worse since I was a teenager just going to as many shows as I could scrape enough money to get to. People where more humble and thankful to the fans who put them where they are today. Don’t get me wrong, I have met some amazing people over the years who still show gratitude to the very people who indeed pay their salaries, but there are too many that still have a gall to treat their fans like utter and total shit..

Condescension. It’s not just the bands.. FireWalk is working on trying to get more interviews with the bands we love. Fans are always interested in getting a glimpse into their favorite musicians minds. It seems that after all we have done, we still get talked down to because we’re not Blabbermouth or BWBK. The fact of the matter is we have had to “start over” multiple times for a number of different reasons, one big one being my problems with Crohn’s Disease. I guess because we tried so many different things and put our souls into what we do, it frustrates me to no end to get some of the responses I have gotten from labels. The crazy thing is the band in question told me they see no issues with doing an interview and unfortunately I have to go through the label and now it’s a matter of whether their press people think we are important enough to waste their time.I’m sure this woman (said press manager) started out street teaming in the trenches just like all the rest of us..

I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.. Never forget where you came from, because when you aren’t big and famous anymore you’ll have no one if you continue to treat people like dirt. When you need someone’s help or just need a chance to do what is in your heart to do, no one will be there.

I’m adding a video of Jeff Loomis from our youtube channel. Jeff is one of the most down to earth, humble, wonderful people I have met in this metal scene. Amazingly talented and just an all around nice guy, Hats off to you Jeff, never stop being you!!